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… black cavernous hole of anger…

From: travel@xxx.org

Name: Tim Hxxxxxx

I see my wife disappearing into a black cavernous hole of anger one minute and sweet brightly lit lady who I love very much the next.

How the hell do I keep the light on?

Tim Hxxxxxx

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Peter B Butler

Peter loves his wife and family to bits. His next love is his cruiser motorbike. Within 6 months of getting married he was faced with coming to grips with Linda starting the menopause cycle. It made the early "coming together" part of marriage harder but it gave us a resolve and strength that has carried us through. To share and make a difference for others is our mission.

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  1. Hello
    I have been with my wife for almost 3 years. We have 4 children between us, the last being 18 months. We just finished the marathon of having a child at my wife’s age of 43. Now it seems we’re on the brink of MANopause. I say manopause because its like oh man here we go again. It seems like no matter what I do, its wrong and never enough. As a supportive partner how can I encourage her to get help, without encroaching on thin ice?

  2. Hi Josh,

    Whether you like it or not you know you’re on thin ice regardless – lol. And you’ve probably realised by now that as the man it’s your fault anyway.

    It really is a tough one Josh, the bottom line is that the most definitive way to find out if it is menopause is for your wife to have a blood test.

    I think a lot of the time when we suggest “it’s the hormones” to our wives they often feel that we have just invalidated their feelings, or we’ve just discounted what they’re going through. You probably know already that you need to tread very carefully here, or you’re “dead meat”.

    And here’s the real bad news, it’s not just your wife that needs help. Without invalidating my wife’s feelings or what she was going through I found out that I needed to learn to “play the game” and be more sensitive, more humble and sometimes even take the “low road” because Linda just needed to “get it all out” and a whole host of her “reasonings”.

    It quite often frustrated the heck out of me but I did what needed to be done to keep the peace. Trying to rationalise it out is what we men do, good luck with that. There ain’t no reasoning this out, just don’t go there or it’ll do your head in.

    It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t make any sense in our world, it’s not our world their living in, and their world just got a whole lot more complex than it was.

    My straight up advice would be to try and encourage your wife to have a blood test as a normal part of a health check, certainly not from a “you are right” stance. And the best time to do it is when there is “no upset” or issue.

    My wife uses implants of testosterone and oestrogen to bring back the “balance. All the other methods really didn’t help a lot.

    I hope that helps.

    Best Regards,

    Peter B Butler

    we do, as men,

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