The “Communication Channel” went static… we lost “Connection”…

How ironic.

Sitting with Linda at about 9.00 pm last night showing her how to make her first post and the “communication channel” between us went static. Trying to revive the “line” and it just got worse. Must have been a “solar flare” situation because no matter what I said the static got so bad that nothing else could be heard but the “static”, we lost “connection”.

Linda had only just had the implants earlier that week and it takes a while for them to kick in. How frustrating! This time round both implants, the testosterone and the oestrogen needed a top up.

How do we know? A blood test is definitive, not open to debate or opinion. The levels are what they are, it is what it is.

We’ve been through this a thousand times before and sometimes we can rescue it. Other times it’s like we’re in a plane going into spiral dive and no matter how hard you pull on that flight “joystick” there is no recovery. Well, not until there’s a “crash” and harsh words have been spoken. Needless to say last night’s session was a disaster, no survivors.

Sticking with the sky and plane metaphor the silver lining in the cloud is I had a great nights sleep. Sorry my sweet, 9 hours, gee, must have needed that.

The flip side is Linda’s not a happy lass, she can’t sleep and looks like I’m up for a court martial. She’s still in bed and “just wants to be left alone”.

So how do I know that the hormones amplified the upset last night? Now, that’s not too invalidate Linda’s feelings or her own frustrations at me. I’m sure she has her own notes on this, probably more like a library actually.

So how do I distinguish between a normal upset and a hormonally driven upset? For every couple there are “tell tale” signs.

Whether you want to admit it or not there are “things” that only occur when there is an imbalance. Remember, my caveat on this is that I’m not invalidating the feelings – I say that for the ladies who may be reading this and may want express their support of Linda by throwing something at me. We both have our stories to tell.

Here’s the “tell tale” signs on this one. The house is spotless this morning! Absolutely glowing level of spotless! When I walked into the kitchen to turn the coffee machine on the kitchen sink dazzled. The bits and pieces that might sit on the kitchen benches are all away. The little pile of stuff I had on the table are in the office. The stash of stuff near the back door for the shed are in the shed. Everything is in its place, perfectly.

Now this is not to say that this is the only time Linda does a “major house spring clean” but it is one of the indicators of the extremity of the imbalance. Linda is incredibly organised by nature and keeps a very tidy house. I know how blessed I am, make no mistake.

Here’s the second “tell tale” sign. Linda doesn’t normally do house work at midnight and beyond. Go figure. So I suppose the second silver lining is we both love it when the place is spotless and to start your Sunday with a spotless house is great.

The downside is we have yet to “recover” and make our peace. This is where it’s like “walking on eggshells” for me.

What will turn this around?

At this part of the “rescue mission” one big lesson for me is patience. My nature is that now… “I’m over it”. I was annoyed with you then but the moment has passed and I’ve moved on. You annoyed me because whatever and I’m sure I annoyed you because whatever and so what. Stuff happens and I’m sorry for my bit so let’s move on and get the day under way.

But no! Doesn’t work like that, apparently! The patience bit comes in because Linda will want to express the total emotional journey for her and what she went through and… and… and…

I have no idea what God was thinking when he made these differences between us. Mark my words, I will be talking to him about this when we catch up face to face.

Anyway, so now the hard part. I have to soften and go in there and I have to acknowledge Linda’s feelings, endure the analysis of what went wrong, and how, cause that’s what has to happen when there’s a plane wreck, right? A full blown investigation even!

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Peter B Butler

Peter loves his wife and family to bits. His next love is his cruiser motorbike. Within 6 months of getting married he was faced with coming to grips with Linda starting the menopause cycle. It made the early "coming together" part of marriage harder but it gave us a resolve and strength that has carried us through. To share and make a difference for others is our mission.

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